1. he’s not going to show up at your door step with flowers saying he misses you
2. he’s not going to text you at 3 am like he used to saying that he can’t sleep because the absence of your lips is keeping him up
3. he’s not going to wake up early anymore to tell you to have a good day
All I want is for you to miss me as much as I miss you.
They say you can’t be fixed by the person who broke you,
But I don’t believe them.
Because having your arms around me made all of my problems go away,
And feeling your lips against mine made me forget I was ever sad.
When you left, my problems came back and I remembered my sadness.
It lingered around me and created a weight on my shoulders,
The way your name lingered on my lips and your memory made my heart heavy.
I think if you came back I’d be okay.
I think if you held me again, and kissed me softly,
I’d be able to pull myself together.
Please come back.
I don’t want to be sad anymore.
I want to be able to shower without thinking of you and then sobbing in the bathtub for two hours.
I want to be able to go on a date and not remember how you’d go on the internet and search up jokes you’d tell me when our conversations would go quiet.
I want to be able to listen to love songs without being trampled with memories of your kisses, your touches or your hugs.
I want to be able to brush my hair in the morning and look in the mirror and believe I’m beautiful without wanting to hear your voice say it instead of mine.
I want to be able to walk on the sidewalk and not hope you’re in one of the cars, staring at me and missing me while I cross the street.
I want to be able to love someone that’s not you.
But for now, I’ll cry in the shower and then come out and pretend nothing ever happened.
I’ll go on dates and smile and flirt and pretend I’m happy because that’s all I’ve wanted to be ever since you left - happy.
I’ll listen to slow blues and think of how you held me while we danced and I’ll cry in my car and sing along to the words even though my throat burns and my sobs ache in my chest.
I’ll tell myself I’m beautiful while I stare in the mirror and hope one day that I’ll believe it without needing you to tell me I am.
I’ll cross the street and I’ll look at all the cars to prove to myself that you’re not staring at me in amazement nor are you dying to text me and mostly, you don’t miss a single memories of ours. You don’t miss me.
I’ll learn to love someone who’s not you.
I promise you, just like you promised me you’d never leave.
But am I going to break my promise too?